You do not have to hate it

You have been working hard at hating it. Reading the worst of what it does, keeping a photograph of the damage in your head, calling the old habit disgusting whenever it crosses your mind, because contempt feels like armor and armor feels like safety. Hatred is a full time post. It has you standing at a wall, scanning, ready. Notice how tired that makes you by evening, and notice who is still the center of your attention all day.

Think about anything you have genuinely finished with. An old job, a town you left, someone you once could not stop thinking about. You did not end those with hatred. They ended when you stopped having an opinion. The opposite of attachment is not disgust. It is boredom. Hatred keeps the thing installed at the front of your mind with a guard posted, which is a strange definition of freedom. You cannot be finished with something you are still monitoring.

There is a practical problem too. Contempt runs on effort, and effort has bad days. When you are exhausted or humiliated or three hours into an argument, the armor thins, and a thing you were holding off with force comes straight through. Whatever you hold back by force eventually gets held back badly. Indifference has no such failure mode, because there is nothing to maintain. You are not fighting the pull down. There is simply nothing there to answer.

So you are allowed to put it down. Not the sense you have about your triggers, which is just wisdom, but the daily work of despising something. Let it become uninteresting. When it comes up in conversation you do not have to give a speech; you can be as neutral about it as you are about a food you never order. Ask God for peace instead of ammunition, since He tends to lead people out rather than station them at a wall. You are not a guard. You left.